How can we understand that a partner is engaging in a relationship not because of love but because they want to solve some problems at our expense? What if men just want to attract ex’s attention, raise their self-esteem, or boost their wealth at girlfriends’ expense? Let’s see what psychologists think about the manipulations of this kind.
Need for a status
A man engages in a relationship to become a part of a definite surrounding and meet its requirements.
· Too high requirements for his sweetheart: constant criticism, stress on her ideal appearance, clothes, hairdo, makeup, etc.
· You spend minimum time together: he prefers to go with you to public places, take you to different events and demonstrate you as his image “attribute.”
· He isn’t interested in your problems and feelings: he wants you not to put on some weight but look perfectly in any situation.
As a rule, this relationship is over once it isn’t convenient for a man anymore or a woman fails to follow the rules of a game.
Need for sex
Physiology is a powerful criterion, and very often a male partner makes it the most important point in a relationship.
· All the visits happen mainly in the evening, he always arrives rather late and stays for a night.
· He hides you from others: a man prefers to spend time exclusively with you, he neither invites you to the cinema/restaurant nor introduces to his friends, colleagues, or relatives.
· Minimum of communication: no warm talks, discussion of life priorities, or desire to find out your preferences and tastes. He prefers to spend time with you solely in bed.
Such a relationship is based on sex only. This is what such a man needs from you. He isn’t ready to take responsibility and will run away at the very first hint about a relationship.
Need for self-assertion
This category of men needs constant confirmation of their significance and uniqueness. He is looking for a relationship that will make him feel superior.
· Constant comparison: a man compares himself to you. No wonder that he always wins. Even if he has obvious negative features, he is better than his woman.
· Self-admiration: a partner isn’t shy to admit that he is better, more handsome, clever, and successful. He diminishes your advantages and is scrupulous about your flaws, even imaginary.
· He plays a big boss: he likes to humiliate women and dominate. In general, he requires the absolute submission, painfully reacts to the slightest critical remarks. Such men like obedient women who don’t dare express their own opinion. They always try to be leaders.
In this type of relationship, woman’s feelings are absolutely disregarded. Her mission is to be a servant to HIS MAJESTY and emphasize his advantages.
Need for care
Typically, such a relationship is perfect for an immature, infantile personality. It’s very hard to create an equal union with a man of this kind. He needs not a sexual partner but rather a person who will fulfill his parents’ functions: care, instruct, manage, and control.
· Childlike behavior: complete inability to assume responsibility, make decisions, and behave like a mature person, regardless of age.
· Low sexual activity. It seems that he doesn’t need sex at all since he considers you as a sublimation of his mother. Thus, he cannot treat you as a beloved woman and a sexual partner.
· Masculine traits are absent: he won’t support you, care about your interests and needs but he would easily spend the last money on his whims.
Men of this category feel great with a powerful goal-driven woman who is ready to lead in a relationship. In all other cases, a woman gets tired of instability and emotional immaturity. Thus, she gets disappointed and leaves her partner.
Need for money
Many men create a relationship because they are looking for some benefit. In this case, a relationship is based on the “customer and salesman” principle: one of the partners is ready to pay, and another one makes use of it.
· He constantly complaints about misfortunes and difficulties: a man keeps telling that something bad has happened to him and he needs money or other material values to cope with that. After he gets money, he may disappear for good.
· Greediness: he never pays for you; moreover, he may even ask you to pay for him in a restaurant or supermarket claiming that he has forgotten a wallet.
· Self-interest: before engaging in a relationship, he always considers his woman’s or her parents’ wealth, asks questions like “Where do you usually spend your vacation? What is your position/occupation?” Sometimes, he may tell directly that he hopes to get expensive presents or be fully maintained under certain conditions.
If everything is happening in the open and every partner understands what awaits them, the life of this couple may turn out to be pretty fine. Otherwise, partners may have to face unpleasant consequences.
It may happen that a man is playing unfairly in a relationship. That’s why it’s very important to break a romantic illusion and try to analyze his behavior and deeds. This will help to avoid disappointments and psychological traumas.
Also, women have to realize that they always have a choice. They are self-sufficient and shouldn’t suffer in a relationship. Many women get so attached and accustomed to their husbands or partners that they are ready to endure humiliation, сontempt, and even violence! They would cry and hide the bruises but never ask for help since they cannot imagine their life without a definite man. What a wrong way!
The matters get even worse if there are children (not necessarily common). A woman may choose to preserve a family with an aggressor since a child needs both parents; if her partner isn’t a biological father of a child/children, she may still choose to stay with that man because he provides for them.
THUS, IS THERE A WAY OUT?
Undoubtedly! Every woman should realize her worth and never agree for less than deserves. As for manipulations, you’d better talk about them with your partner as soon as you spot them out. If he really loves you, he will stop those games and change his attitude towards you. If he isn’t mature enough for a healthy relationship, let him go for good. As Paulo Coelho said, “if we have the courage to say “Goodbye,” life will reward us with a new “Hello!””